Okay, I know it has been a long time since I wrote anything here, and I had really good intentions of using this as a way to keep up with things that Chloe and Drew might enjoy one day, but life has just been so incredibly busy and complicated. I lost my father over a month ago (Nov 18) and life has not been the same since. You do not realize how important someone is to you until they are gone. I miss him so very much. Little things are so hard; walking through his garden, getting something out of his barn; even my beloved hikes in the woods are saddening. My first walk after his death was almost surreal; I crossed the creek and was reminded of my first memory of hiking with him; we had stopped in that very spot for me to play in a little rocky section, (I couldn't have been any older than Chloe) and I asked him how old was the creek and he answered as old as time itself, and then I asked would it still be here when we're gone and in his gentlest voice he said yes honey, it will. From there I walked up the hill and out in the open it was very windy and cold, difficult walking, but once I was in the thick woods; it felt warmer and I was sheltered from the wind. I thought to myself that a family is kind of like that stand of trees; you're right in the middle of it and you feel so protected and safe, but when one of those large trees falls, everything is out of balance and you're left with this huge hole to fill. Shortly after that thought I heard a loud crack and a tree fell somewhere out of sight. (What are the odds that I would think about trees falling and then hear one). I'm constantly reminded of him. I'm so thankful that I've had the last two years with him, almost on a daily basis. I enjoyed our talks at night after mom and the kids went to bed. Even though his mind was failing, he was still so wise and I valued his opinion on so many things. He made so many sacrifices for us; he worked for 35 years at a stressful job that he hated inorder to provide for us.

He got sick on the Friday before he died; mom and I both tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he refused; he passed out and fell in the bathroom about 2:00am that morning. We later learned that it was a mild heart attack, and the fall also probably damaged the large hernia that he had from his stomach surgery some five years ago. By Friday he felt so bad that he just couldn't stand it anymore, so he agreed to go to St Mary's. They admitted him and then he had another mild heart attack and the put him in ICU. I went to see him on Monday and he had audible fluid in his lungs and severe gastritis. I stayed with him until time to go pick up Chloe and Drew. I was very concerned about him. My brother Evan went to see him that night and we spoke on the phone, and he told me that he didn't think he'd make it through this; part of me knew it to be true, but I didn't want to accept it. Tuesday morning they called at 5:00am (family is not allowed to spend the night in ICU, so we were at home) and told us that he was in grave condition. He was sedated and on a ventilator. Seeing him like that was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. I knew he would not want to be kept alive in that way. We took turns staying with him and I told him how much I loved him and how thankful I was for all that he'd done for me and that I wanted him to get better and come home with us, but that if he was tired and couldn't go on and ready to go then it was okay. At about 10:30am a heart doctor came out to speak with us and told us that his heart was in pretty good shape, and if some of the other problems could be resolved then he might pull through this. It gave a lot of us false hope and everyone but me and mom left to get some breakfast. Mom and I ran down to the cafeteria and grabbed a quick pack of crackers and some juice and we went back up with him. We got in his room around 11:00 and he looked much worse; he was in atrial fib and his nose was turning blue. His nurse told us to call in the family. I called Greg first because he had the greatest chance of getting back and then I called Evan; he died with mom and I by his side; holding his hands and I was talking to Evan. I pray that he knew we were there and that he felt how much we love him. On the ride home from the hospital, someone on my Christian station said that God loves us just as much is our most painful difficult situations as he does in our joy, and I must say that I've felt His love through all this and now my earthly father is with our Heavenly Father and I'm so thankful for all that God's blessings.